Once upon a time,
I loved you with all my heart
And I thought you loved me back
But you didn't.

Years have passed and here we are,
not talking with each other. Hating each other.
Times get confusing and I remember our moments
Blurs in my mind, a long past that's almost forgotten.
Things have changed so much and There's nothing we can do.

I still wonder why you ignored my love,
why you made love to me but did not gave me your heart.
what were you afraid of? Why do I think of this, I wonder...

I know, you didn't deserve me. I know that now.
My younger self, that loved you so much, was such a dreamy self
and you ruined it. you tainted it. you killed it.

-Skaene

I feel as if my dreams are being crushed
and all I can do is watch. I'm losing my will.
I try not to get desperate while I see it crumbles
but it's getting hard. I don't know where to turn to.
My family is not supportive and their threats... they will kill me.
Oh, how I wanted to feel safe. How I wanted to feel loved. How I wanted to feel recognised.
Seems it's too much to ask, too much to beg. 'Cause I know, they won't give me what I want.

Lately, I feel so sad. So alone, so lost. With nowhere to run to, no safe house where I can sleep.
My thoughts always end up with me on the edge of a cliff thinking that it's the end, finally.
And, deep inside my heart, all I can think is how sad it'll be that no one knows my true feelings.
All they can say is that I'm not to be trusted, unfaithful, bad daughter, bad friend.
No one to make me feel safe, I really want to have one of those.
I used to be so interested in love, but even in that, I've lost my hope.
It gets harder and harder. I want to succeed, and I want them to feel proud of me.
I work my ass out, but they're never EVER happy. There's always something in the way.
Oh, how I want to run away, far far away. Deep inside my heart, I know. It's that or die.
Dying at 21 sounds so.... tragic.
I just need a guy to die with me and it'll be Romeo & Juliet, minus the love.

And the sad thing is... if I die, all of my poems, all of my feelings will stay here,
far away from those who need to read it, of those who need to relate with someone.
I know, I'm not the only one feeling this way. There's more people like me.
More people that are sad and in distress due to their family, to their pressure.
My life... I'll die in vain. Feeling that there's so much to see, to read, so many people to know...
but no time, no ways of doing it. 'Cause my parents like to control my life.
And I really wonder what would happen if I just ran away, to somewhere so far far away...
If they would be sad or relieved. Thinking their stupid daughter FINALLY got out of their way
How sad, to be thinking this of someone who gives me money to study.
but money is not important, money is nothing, zero. What I really need is love and love is what I don't have.

It's been too long. And everything has changed.
I lost it all and gained new things, new friends.
Am I better now? I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe not.
Everything's still changing and I'm not ready to decide yet.

I've been lost in this world of fantasy
Expecting the best, but getting the worst.
Humans are not nice, they are evil, so evil.
I need to be worse than them. I need to make them suffer.

I'm criticised with evert step I take.
Can't escape it, can't run from it.
In my veins, the dark blood runs,
and I'm wishing it wasn't.

I have a death wish, and oh! It got so much worse.
no feelings left in this box called heart.
Waiting for the end, waiting for peace to come.
waiting for the man in black gown to come get me...

-Skaene