No one notices that I'm falling. They have their backs to me.  Their eyes are not focussed on me, and I didn't want them to. But... Why do I feel like this? I want attention. I want them to ask me what's wrong, you're not alone, tell us what's going on... But there's not even one word from them. And even though I'm falling into darkness, no one notices it. I'm losing myself and I don't really care anymore and they don't notice. They don't care. They have their own problems, fuck mine. I forgot how it was to be all alone.

I'm breaking down again. I'm losing myself.

Today, I felt I was empty, nothing inside me... 

I don't want to talk with anyone. All I wanted was to stay in bed.

But I couldn't do it.... 

They didn't let me do it. 

I don't like this. I want to end this...

I really wish I could just do it.

End it. Crush it. Smash it. Destroy it. 

But I can't. I have no strength in me.

I'm hopeless...

Sometimes (most of the times), I wish I was dead.

Just like that... Dead. No breathing. Not living...

I have this wish for seven years.

I'm still here.... Don't know what for.

The pain accumulates and I continue going.

I wonder why I haven't give up yet... 

I want to know. Someone tell me.

Please. Please. Please. Please.

There's no answer.

Like always.

I cry.

S.

I'm not strong... I'm not. I'm really weak and I grab myself to people 'cause I don't want to be left alone or 'cause I don't wanna fall into darkness. But the thing is... i always fall into darkness, I always end up alone. And it really hurts and I really want to die, but I'm still here. Does that make me strong? I just think that makes me a survivor, nothing more. I don't really live... I survive. And it's so painful. I live one day at a time and I try not to succumb to my darkest thoughts of death. I want to live, but I'm so tired of everything. I know there's lot of things that I should do, but I don't do it. I don't have the will to do it. I'm really tired of living and that's what makes me think that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to just swallow every pill in my house. My friends will miss me, I know that, but I'll just fall into a sad memory. They will live on, without me. Live does not wait for those who give up, and that's what I try to do sometimes. I wish everything was easier, that I hadn't born in this town, in this family, in this country... But I didn't.  And I need to survive until the day I start living or the day I just give up everything.

Skaene

I feel like I'm nothing... I need to be saved, but no one can save me...
I should be the one to save myself, but I have no strength...
my friends are here, but I don't feel them all the time..
on those days that I need the most is when I'm lonely and alone.

The boy that I like doesn't like me back.
It hurts. It seems that I can never be loved back.
I don't want to be like this forever... Even though I promise myself that I wouldn't love anymore.
my heart wants it and I don't know how to tell it 'no'.

I'm about to close my doors. I don't want anyone in besides me.
I wish they understood that I'm not okay, that I'm destroying everything.
It's not easy to be me, to endure all of this by myself. I love them but I wish they were close...
All I want is to not be alone. And to not be sad. I want to be loved and cherished and have happy moments... I want love. And love is what I don't have most of the times.

Skaene